7/14

Friday is fanny pack off day! It happens every other week and it’s two of the greatest days of the month. When I’m done I feel like Kevin Bacon in Footloose when he gets into that warehouse and just starts dancing. Or like in The Who’s Tommy when he finally can see and sings “I’m Free!” Then, of course, I get in the car, turn on NPR and hear about Republicans trying to pass health care legislation and it’s like I’m in A Charlie Brown Christmas. "Bah nah nah, nah nah." (Sigh) "Bah nah nah, nah nah."

We are hoping moderate Republicans are going to kill the health care bill which is like hoping that the tooth fairy will pay my rent.

For Jaimie’s sake I’m glad we don’t have a house with a lawn because I would play that cancer card so hard. I’d be like, “Yeah I’ll get right out there and cut the grass… AS SOON AS IM IN REMISSION!” I’d be rolling on the floor laughing, “Yeah , sure, I’ll mow. Should me and my stage four cancer trim some hedges too? Yeah, over my dead body. You’re right wrong that’s the wrong choice of words I’m sorry I apologize.”

The buzzers they give you in the waiting room are so loud. I’m just sitting there, reading my paper, and all of a sudden I have to pack all of my stuff up while people with cancer have to listen to horrible noise. I remind myself that I am one of the people with cancer, so at least it’s OK that it’s me being loud and not some normal person but still, it’s a bummer. I’m like “I’m sorry, so sorry” and they’re like “That buzzer is the least of my concerns” and I’m like, “You’re right- mine too, I guess. Feel better soon!”

I’ve been getting so many well wishes from people. I find that they break down depending on their religious beliefs:

My atheist friends tell me to Kick Cancer’s Ass.

My agnostic friends like to keep me in their thoughts.

My religious friends are like, “I got a guy.”

I like to think the three ideas are working together in concert.

But today is a good day, health care debate notwithstanding. We have this false premise that we are promised all these days in the future and we’re really not. I still put things off, of course, but I try to enjoy the procrastination as much as I possibly can. Like, “Yay I’m gonna put off cleaning so fucking hard today and I’m gonna love it!”

Speaking of procrastination the woman beside me has started talking about her constipation so it’s time for me to put my ear phones in and sign off.

Thank you so much to the Charleston City Paper for the article this week, and welcome to all the new readers. I put up 4-5 blogs a week, Monday-Friday. If you like it please share it with people who you think might enjoy it.

So until Monday everyone kicks ass, keeps us all in your thoughts, and if you got a guy, let him know that you are thinking about us.